How It Changed Us
by Imtellingmyfatheraboutthis
Summary: It has been a day since the war ended. We have won. Yet I have never lost so much in my life. It doesn't feel as though we have won. We have lost so many, dead and alive. I am Hermione Granger. This is my story as I cure myself of the torment the war brought us all.


Hello! I'm back with a harry Potter fanfiction! It's been a while! :D this should be the first chapter if many, so here we go! I would super massively appreciate a review! Jut a few words typed on a computer can really n help me improve my writing! :)

So... The war is over. Gone. Just like that. One final showdown and then nothing. I should be flooded with joy and happiness. I should know that all the effort Harry, Ron and I put into the war was the only thing that ended it all. But I can't. I can't think like that. The only emotions I can feel are relief and devastation. I can't just... Oh god... I've never felt so confused in my life. Not when I realised... Ron and... And not even when I was told I was a witch. I don know how to feel. I can't help feeling like there's some part of it that was my fault. That little Colin was my fault. And lavender. I thought I hated her, I suppose sometimes you only appreciate someone when they're gone. And Tonks. And Lupin. Teddy, an orphan. Andromeda and Ted shouldn't have been alive to hear of their daughter's death.

And Fred. Ron is lost to us. I can't bear it. It's been a day. He hid in the room of requirement. It took me hours to find him. He won't look at me. I understand, but I'm not sure if he understand that seeing him like that hurts me. Ah... I can't put my anger into words. I just, I'm finding it really hard to write my emotions down like this. I thought it would help me separate my thoughts and feelings, but I suppose they're always entangled, no matter what. Within themselves. With each other... What I've mostly learnt from this writing experience is that a bit of muggle school would do me some good. I'm intelligent. I'm not good at many things, but I'm intelligent, surely my writing style should be a little more refined? Oh an English lesson would be nice. I wonder what it would be like, just for a few minutes, to be oblivious to it all. To stop seeing the twisted face of Bellatrix Lestrange every night. To stop seeing the face of every dead person lurking in the corner of my mind. What must it be like to know that you have, not once in your life killed a man? To never imagine their face, the lives they had ahed of them, the people they loved. The fact that, Good or bad. Every single person on this planet. All seven billion of us. We are humans.

F*ck it... I'm just... I can't stop crying and wandering around. My eyes are constantly stinging from crying and the lack of sleep. I want to sink into my inner being. The only thing that stops me becoming like Ron is Ron. And he doesn't know that. I'm going back to find him again. He might not feel comfortable talking to me yet. But I will talk to him. I will tell him that from now on, I shall not leave his side. I'll continue writing when I get there... Jesus, I can't write on this without it sounding like I'm talking to someone, or that it's directed at someone.

I've found Ron again. He hasn't moved. He is still curled up as tight as he can be, in the corner of the room, his head buried beneath his entwined arms. He doesn't even look up when he hears me enter. The room has a black carpet, ceiling and walls and is so dark that I struggled make out the features in his face.

"Hiya..." I say tentatively, " hey... Um, look... I know you don't want to talk to me right now. I get that, okay? But... You that, no matter how much... sh*t happens, I'll be there, right?".

As I expected, he doesn't respond. But that's okay. I don't say anything more, I just sit down next to him. I gently wrap my arm around his back. He rests his head on my shoulder. It is the closet thing to calm we can reach.

hello again! If you actually didn't die of boredom during this, congratulations! I would absolutely love a review, whether you hated it or loved it, it helps me so much if you tell me why! if you did hate it, tell me why becside then I will write better and you will have one less person like me on this website! :D

thanks!


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